Wednesday, November 29, 2017

How to be annoying at the gym

I joined my first gym in 1991.  I KNOW, I'm so old! Since then, I've belonged to many of them: large, upscale ones, tiny one room places, university gyms, and of course the workplace ones with rickety benches and equipment procured from garage sales. 

The gym I belong to now is expensive, but it's only four miles from my house, so I keep renewing my membership.  It has more than one pool, and stuff I never use, like racquetball courts and a juice bar.  It is very popular, and it's not unusual to cruise the parking lot at 10 am on a weekday and find no open spaces (who are all these people without jobs?).  Even though it's very different from other gyms I've belonged to, some things remain the same.  By that, I mean obnoxious gym behavior.  Let's get to it, shall we?

Here's how to be a gym nuisance, in no particular order:

1.  Notice that there are many, many open treadmills.  Find the one with the person on it, and get on the one next to them.  Look over and see what speed they are running.  Put yours on the same speed.  Look over frequently.  When the person increases their speed, increase yours too, and then a little higher for good measure.  Stay on as long as they do, because everyone loves a little competition, right?

2.  Ask the person on the machine next to you for a date.  When they don't seem receptive, say something like, "I wasn't asking you to get married, I just thought we could have dinner or something," like they did something wrong by not wanting to date you  (This happened to me at a gym).

3.  Correct people's form when you're not a trainer and nobody asked you to.

4.  Locate your friend on an elliptical.  Come over and stand next to their machine and have a loud conversation. 

5.  Get on your cell phone and talk a lot.  Don't bother to go to the lobby.  You're too important for that.

6.  Drop your weights on the ground when you're not at a CrossFit gym.  Do it a lot.  Grunt loudly too.

7.  When the gym is busy, hog several weight machines.  Look annoyed if anyone else wants to work in.  Leave your stuff on the machines so people won't use them.  Sit on a machine and look at facebook or text.

8.   Don't ever clean off the equipment, because you're not that sweaty.

9.  Go to the gym with the flu or some other communicable disease.  Sneeze on and touch everything.

10.  Leave your weight plates on the barbells.  The gym has staff to put them away, don't they? While you're at it, leave towels and dumbbells lying around too.

What am I leaving out?

11 comments:

  1. "Sit on a machine and look at Facebook or text" - WHYYYY do people do that?? I do the 30 minute circuit room at Planet Fitness and just about every time I go, someone is doing that. I've stepped up my boldness and will ask them if they're finished, and they will move, but geez, go sit in the locker room if you just want to be on your dang phone!

    Ah, thanks...I feel better for getting that out. For the record, your list of gym annoyances is a good one, sadly.

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    1. Yes, I don't get it. I want to get my workout done, not stay in the gym longer than I have to. It's usually a guy, too.

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  2. Ha, ha this is a great topic! There's a lady who sometimes comes to my weekly spin class who texts on her phone the entire time and never follows the instructor. I always wonder why she even bothers coming to class.

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    1. That would be so annoying for the instructor. She must not be working that hard either if she texts the whole time.

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  3. Even though my gym is small (one room...pool, what is that)) I recognize most of the annoying gym habits here. And "Are you through?" when clearly you are actively working there.

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    1. I used to belong to one where you had to sign up for the cardio machines. When it got toward the end of your time, the next person would often lurk around, check their watch, ask if you were almost done.

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    2. I went to one when I was in Washington DC for a month where they had a staff person who lurked by the machines. There was a lineup for all the ellipticals, and she would force you off of yours at exactly thirty minutes, which isn't really long enough to get a good workout in.

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    3. I wouldn't want to be that staff person.

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  4. I get sick easily, so not cleaning off the machine is my #1 pet peeve! Disgusting! I don't want to get onto a treadmill or elliptical and see sweat drops still on the machine from the pig who used it last.

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    1. Yes, that's super gross. I remember hearing about people who got MRSA at gyms.

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    2. In my gym, in my unscientific survey, the women seem to clean off their machines much more than the men. It's my pet peeve, too. But I've noticed that the trainers DO NOT clean off the machines or instruct their clients to do so....so there's the example (Not)

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