Wednesday, June 13, 2012

as the rotor turns

Lately I've noticed a plethora of really bad reality shows on TV. Not that I watch them, of, of course not. But it makes me think. Why couldn't my crew be on one? After all, there are shows about people living in a house and partying (Jersey Shore), wives of basketball players, though inexplicably none of them seem to be currently married to basketball players (Basketball Wives), and groups of impossibly good-looking people who for some reason can't find anyone to date except on a TV show (The Bachelor). My crew must be AT LEAST as interesting, right?

I even have a name: As the Rotor Turns. It would star an attractive brunette; Catherine Zeta-Jones comes to mind. (Here's where I need to tell my friends reading this to stop laughing). It would be full of intrigue, death-defying stunts, and drama. All real, of course. But here's where my idea falters a bit. On my crew, we actually get along, most of the time. Even brush fits don't last long, usually triggered by several weeks of bad weather, messiness of others, or sickness instead of family secrets, betrayal, or mean gossip. Unlike some pilots and mechanics I have encountered, ours are relatively drama-free and can often be found sleeping or reading books. So, sadly, we probably won't be making $25,000 just to show up at a party anytime soon like the Jersey Shore kids. Here is what a typical episode would probably consist of:

Attractive Brunette (aka me): The crew is way too quiet! They must be up to something!

Cameraman (wakes up from a nap) : Finally!

A.B. (bursts into the hangar): All right, what are you guys doing?

Young, Enthusiastic Crewmember: I'm fixing this chainsaw.

Two Veteran Crewmembers : We're patching the leaks in the chase truck.

Third Crewmember (brandishes a mop): Um, cleaning?

A.B. (deflated): Well, is anyone mad? (Blank stares from Crewmembers). Sad? (More blank stares). Hungry?

Cameraman: I should never have quit that Kardashian show. These are the most boring people on earth!

Of course, camera crews are never around when the really interesting things are happening, like when I evacuated civilians from in front of a fire, or when the window cracked and fell out of the helicopter in flight. But for the most part, I'll take the relatively drama free life we live on the crew. I don't really want to vote anyone off the island anyway.

What the people on The Bachelor are really saying

1 comment:

  1. Good one, CZJ (aka LE)! Actually, she is on the Today show as I am writing this. Can you sing?


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